SCENE 5 Episode 1 – Deaf Jammin’ Cheerleaders

(Continued from Scene 4  Episode 1 or start at the beginning)

EXT. PARKING LOT OF PRIVATE LODGE – FLASHBACK CONTINUED

Running from the lodge, the band quickly drags Shithead into the van, they jump in and they peel out of the parking lot.

INT. ZELDA’S KITCHEN – BACK TO PRESENT

Now Bertha is standing in a pan of ice water with just her panties, bra and tube socks on. Zelda is at the kitchen table still sweating and now has her shirt open with her hair held up with a spatula.

ZELDA:
But our gig at the high school Schmuckenschpeilenhiemerschmiemerberg High,
I think was far out, the kids really dug our Renaissance songs.
They thought we were out-of-sight!

BERTHA:
Far out? Out-of-sight? Are you serious? Did you just say far out and out-of-sight?

EXT. SCHMUCKENSCHPEILENHIEMERSCHMIEMERBERG HIGH SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF PARKING LOT – FLASHBACK

HotPhlash’s van pulls up to a high school whose name is so long that it hangs off both sides of the building.

INT. SCHMUCKENSCHPEILENHIEMERSCHMIEMERBERG HIGH SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF AUDITORIUM – LATER – FLASHBACK CONTINUED

DEAF CHEERLEADERS come bouncing out across the stage in front of the band setup and get into formation and start a sign language cheer, screaming the letters with a deaf monotone voice.  The DEAF AUDIENCE responds in like.

CHEERLEADERS:
Give me an S!

AUDIENCE:
S!

CHEERLEADERS:
Give me a C!

AUDIENCE:
C!

CHEERLEADERS:
Give me an H!

AUDIENCE:
H!

CHEERLEADERS:
Give me an M!

AUDIENCE:
M!

Fade forward in time: The deaf audience is now dozing off but then applauds when the last letter is signed. The deaf cheerleaders leave the stage to reveal HotPhlash, set-up, dressed punk with torn fishnet hose, cigarettes lit, beer cans on amps and with acoustic instruments in hand. They start playing Renaissance music.

ZELDA:
(singing)
As I age and hear the wind blowing
I feel the trees as they dance in my hair
I am old and my breasts are sagging
But my butt seems to be doing fairly fair.
Oh I sweat as my hormones start to leave me
Oh I sweat as my feet begin to smell
Dear menopause make way for my passage
Menopause make way for meeeeeee

Instrumental section begins.

EXT. MISTY FOREST – DAY – FANTASY SEQUENCE

The band is standing in a misty forest surrounded by birds and flowers. They are in Medieval clothes and are bra-less, their boobs blatantly swinging to the music and their nipples are hard.

INT.  SCHMUCKENSCHPEILENHIEMERSCHMIEMERBERG HIGH SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF AUDITORIUM – BACK TO REALITY

The song ends and the audience is silent except for a CUTE TEENAGE GIRL IN AUDIENCE.

CUTE TEENAGE GIRL IN AUDIENCE:
(signing with deaf voice)
You’ve got to be kidding.

The NON-DEAF, MIDDLE-AGED FEMALE PRINCIPAL, sweating profusely, applauding fervently as mascara stained tears run down her face, has a small pee puddle at her feet.

NON-DEAF, MIDDLE-AGED FEMALE PRINCIPAL:
Yayyy!! Encore, encore!

© 2010 Dorothy Caldwell and Paula Montondo

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