INT. BANANA HAMMOCK SHOW ROOM – EVENING
M.C. OF BANANA HAMMOCK:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
Here’s what you have been waiting for
and dreaming of for a long, long, long, very long time.
Misterrrrr ANDY CONDAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
The stripper Andy Conda comes out on stage covered with snakes and his name in lights behind him that says “Andy Conda”. The CROWD goes wild.
INT. BANANA HAMMOCK DRESSING ROOM – MINUTES LATER
Andy enters the dressing room after his act, carrying his snakes. The band and Bertha are sitting at their mirrors.
Bertha, did you like my new act?
Andy! You forgot to put my shoes under the mirror like I asked.
You put’m all the way on the other side of the dressing room.
I had to actually get up and go over there and get them in my bare feet.
You know how delicate my feet are!
Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!
I’ll take care of it right now.
Andy runs to fetch Bertha’s shoes.
Stop, idiot. I already got them. Are you blind and deaf?
Can’t you see I have the shoes on my feet? I told you I got them.
And because of your incompetence,
I got something stuck in my delicate foot.
Bertha pulls off one shoe. Andy runs back to kiss her foot.
Let me kiss it and make it feel better.
Bertha slaps him on the head with her shoe.
Oh, thank you!
Kiss it or I won’t slap you again.
Shithead is watching all of this and suddenly pulls one of her shoes off and looks a Andy then winks. Andy shutters.
Get your own, Shithead.
GAY MALE STRIPPER #2 walks past Shithead. She points her bare foot at him.
Hey sugar tush, I take a size nine. What size are you?
GAY MALE STRIPPER #2:
Ewww honey, I take a size nine too…at least.
Gay male stripper #2 keeps walking. A DIFFERENT MALE STRIPPER walks by, Shithead trips him, he falls in her lap.
Mmmm, mmm, mmm, the men are just falling all over me.
The stripper runs away. A SMALL, NERDY JANITOR walks past her and Shithead slaps his butt. He smiles and jumps in her lap.
Oh, I just got me an appetizer.
Small Nerdy Janitor:
And I just got me an entree.
Actually, I am an all-you-can-eat buffet, honey.