SCENE 2 Episode 1 – Fast Times and Naked Midgets

27 Sep

(Continued from Scene 1 Episode 1)

INT. ZELDA‘S LIVING ROOM – Back to Present

Seriously, who is this Bozo?

Girls, my name is Ignatius.

Awwww, he called us girls.

Shithead looks down her pants to check as if to make sure she is a girl.

Uhhh, yeah, notice that not only is he a clown but he is a drunk clown!

Spoofing the pool scene from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, the scene goes into slow motion and we hear sexy music as Ignatius rips off his clown suit, male stripper style, revealing a shirtless, totally ripped hot young man in jeans. He rips off his clown nose and neon green frizzy wig, shaking his beautiful golden locks loose with his chiseled jaw and straight white teeth. Stunned, the girls melt. Back to real time and the music halts: Zelda runs up to introduce herself.

Hi, I’m Zelda Piewinkle. Drummer, Capricorn, vegetarian, pet psychic,
love long walks on the beach, my favorite band is Barry Manilow.

Vegetarian? Nice to MEAT you.

Ignatius winks at Zelda. Bertha elbows Zelda out of the way.

Bertha Tubbs, singer, guitarist, Leo. If it’s ever had a heart beat I’ll eat it.  My favorite
bands are rubber, latex or leather. Actually leather works best for me. Now, come sit on mama’s lap.

Okee dokee, then. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.

Shithead struggles out of the bean bag chair, lightly bumps Zelda and Bertha sending them flying across the room.

My name is Shithead. I play bass and you’d fit right into my lunch box.

Carolyn walks between Ignatius and Shithead.

(cocky and unimpressed)
Carolyn. Light please.

Carolyn holds up a candy cigarette and Ignatius tries to light it. Bertha and Zelda stumble into the kitchen to make coffee. Bertha starts to cry.

My head is killing me. I am too old for this. What are we doing? We’re playing gigs at
nursing homes, and a school for the deaf and then a birthday party with naked midgets and
now we are flirting with a clown half our age?

Zelda starts crying too and tries to comfort Bertha.

No, you’re right we are too old to play at a the school for the deaf …
Hey, what’s wrong with flirting with a clown?

Come on, we look fat in our fishnets and now my guitar is smashed.

But you have to admit our gig at the nursing home was pretty fun. Only half
the audience died on us and the free Valiums were totally worth it.

©  2010 Paula Montondo and Dorothy Caldwell

5 Responses to “SCENE 2 Episode 1 – Fast Times and Naked Midgets”

  1. Mermaid September 13, 2010 at 11:44 pm #

    You gals make me produce bubbles underwater…don’t pop them you may go blind.
    Keep rockin’

  2. Babs September 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm #

    Love this scene. Check out a recipe that will go with it.


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